


Some Kind of Misunderstanding

by starcass_miseryna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Background Pretty Setter Squad, Best Friends, Bokuto is a huge idiot when it comes to feelings, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Setters Group Chat, University, artist!akaashi, canonverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:57:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9283493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcass_miseryna/pseuds/starcass_miseryna
Summary: A lot happened during Akaashi and Kenma's first year at university.Life lessons they learned: Oikawa is an amazing barista, and you better not forget it. Bokuto is clueless to everyone's emotions, especially his own. Kenma will punch you if necessary. Kuroo is the best bro anyone could hope for. The setters are salty, but they love each other like no other squad. Friends can be idiots, but it takes a lot more than that to break people apart. Everyone screws up sometime or another, but don't let it bring you down. And always remember to never push your feelings away, because sometimes all it takes to get someone to love you back is to tell them.ON HIATUS! Until God knows when :']





	1. Barn Owls Don't Have Golden Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> hello peoples
> 
> this is my first fanfic here, *YAY* so feedback is appreciated
> 
> anywaaaay, i rEALLY love Bokuaka, but i see the relationship in ways a lot of other people might not, so this fic might be different from other ones you might have read (or not, idk), but i hope that y'all like it
> 
> ...
> 
> so yeah, best wishes reading,  
> cass (le author)

     Keiji lays the last box down, flattened out, onto the pile of cardboard by the door. Finished unpacking, he lays down on his bare mattress, looking up at the ceiling of the dorm room that will be his home for the next four years. On the other bed, his best friend and roommate Kozume Kenma sits against the wall playing some new game on his phone. Neither Kenma nor Keiji are very talkative people usually, and it suits them well enough. After a day of unpacking and moving in, Keiji can’t wait to get some rest. In a few hours, their old friends and teammates are taking them out for late-afternoon coffee and a tour of campus.

     Sighing, Keiji knows it will be impossible to sleep in the time until then. He gets up and takes out his watercolors and a few sketches he did over the past week, sits back down on the bed, and begins to put color onto the thick paper. It’s amazing, really, how relaxing painting is. Keiji’s hands and eyes move on their own, taking care of the paper on his lap, and it leaves his mind free to float where it wills. Pale greys and light browns appear on the page, clouds and shadows and the outline of feathers bring out the shape of a barn owl in the negative space.

     To anyone who watches him, it appears that he’s focusing intensely on his work. But Keiji isn’t watching what he’s doing. A small part of his brain follows, so he doesn’t make mistakes, but he is always thinking about something else. Usually it wanders, but recently it keeps coming back to the same thing, the same person.

     The brush flows over the page, darkening the sky in the background. _Dark like the black streaks in his silver hair_ , he thinks.

     Across the room, Kenma lets out a tiny gasp of exasperation as he presumably dies again. _Such a different sound from his loud, cheerful laugh, full of life and mischief_ , he thinks.

     The wings of the owl spread just slightly from it’s body, like it’s preparing to take flight and it’s visible, the obvious power in them, and the will to break free from gravity. _He flies into the air gracefully, and with a swing of his arm, the ball goes crashing down towards the other side, like a flash of lightning, and it hits down with a sound like thunder_ , he remembers.

     Keiji knows that barn owls have black eyes, the eerie wisdom in them sunk deep in a dark abyss. But he paints them gold instead. He knows that owls are always wise, whether they look like it or not. He wants to bring more than cold distance, black like the endless void of space, to his painting. The yellow gold, like the sun burning bright in that void, is alight and alive.

     He comes back to himself as he finishes his artwork. Lifting the painting gently from his lap, and setting it down on his new desk, Keiji realizes that he let his emotions run into this piece again, and sighs. It’s a beautiful one, but he isn’t happy with it. Once again, he’s made something that reminds him too much of him. He lets out another frustrated sigh. Kenma puts down his Nyan Cat-cased phone (Keiji’s best friend is such a dork), gets up and pads over. He gives it a skeptical once-over, before looking knowingly at Keiji.

     “Guess it gets hard to suppress your feelings after that long? Especially now that we’ll be seeing them again?”

     Keiji puts his head in his hands. He’s glad Kenma’s feeling chatty enough today to talk to him like this. He needs his friend’s help.

     “Something like that,” he grimaces. “How can you still do it?”

     Kenma shrugs to deflect the question, and instead looks his best friend in the eye. “Do you want me to throw this one out, too?” He picks up the paper and scrutinizes it again.

     Quickly, Keiji reaches over and grabs it. “Er―ye―damn it―” Kenma raises his eyebrows at his friend’s uncharacteristic stuttering, and feels absurdly proud that he’s the only one who he trusts enough to get to see him like that. Keiji shakes his head, flustered. Kenma waits.

     “―yeah, no, that’s fine,” Keiji finishes after a few seconds. ”Just, hide it, or something? Before they get here.” He can’t look at the picture, the eyes that are way too similar, that seem to peer into his heart. Kenma nods once, and puts it in an empty drawer so it can dry out. He looks back at his friend and says, “For the record, I think the barn owl suits you more. He’s the gray great horned, remember?”

     Keiji blows out a slow breath. “Not like he lets us forget it,” he grumbles. Kenma cracks another half-smile at him, and he half-smiles back. Really, he doesn’t know what he would do without the other setter.

     “Thanks, Kozume-san.” Kenma notes the politeness that slinks into Keiji’s words and tone. It’s a tell of his, something that betrays his emotions. He doesn’t usually use honorifics with his best friend, but they always slip out when he’s stressed. Though, to be fair, he has a good reason. And so does Kenma.

     It’s been a year since they last saw them, and the old saying is right. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. But it’s probably nothing compared the emotional swell of seeing them again, for the first time after so long. It was strange at first, their longtime friends gone for a year. There were still phone calls, and they never grew apart, but it was different. They got used to it, though. And now they would it be seeing them again. _What would it be like?_

     Not fifteen minutes later, there’s a loud rap at the door. _Crap._ Frozen, the two look at each other with a little bit of horror, reading _not yet_ in the other’s gaze. They aren’t ready, haven’t calmed down enough yet, haven’t buried feelings deep enough in time. The door bursts open with a familiar “Hey _hey HEYYYY_!” accompanied by a horrifyingly annoying snicker. Keiji feels his face go white and he holds onto the dresser for support. However far down, he knows Kenma is panicking too.

     Into the room, with bright eyes and identical shit-eating grins, walk their old friends, and respective unrequited crushes, Bokuto Koutarou and Kuroo Tetsurou.

 

* * *

 

 

     Keiji feels his throat seize up and wants to run down the hall to lock himself in the bathroom. Still, he wills himself to stay calm, and puts on his usual neutral face. It’s been years since he figured out what his feelings for the golden-eyed spiker meant. And all those years, Bokuto had never figured them out. It won’t be any different now.

     But it’s hard. He’s even more criminally good-looking than before. In the year they’ve been apart, it seems like Bokuto has somehow grown even taller, and the tougher level of college volleyball has broadened his chest and arms. They’ve just come back from a practice, and there’s still a few beads of sweat on his forehead. He’s dressed in a plain white button-down with the top two undone, a pair of nearly skinny jeans, and blue Chucks. His hair’s still the same as it was, though, and his eyes and smile are brighter than ever. Keiji concentrates on the wall behind his old teammate, and hopes that doesn’t come off as too distant.

     Bokuto pulls him into a hug, and Keiji internally relishes the feeling of his friend’s arms around him. “Long time no see, Akaashi! How’s life? What courses are you taking? What were the first years like? I bet it was weird playing without me, right? There probably aren’t any spikers as fun as me. Do you have a girlfriend yet? Still painting?” He babbles on cheerfully, bombarding Keiji with questions that he barely answers before the next one comes. At times like this, Bokuto makes him think about the tropical ocean, warm waves continually crashing against the sand.

     Kuroo, hair as stupid as ever, has an arm slung around Kenma and tries to talk video games with him. He’s still about two years behind in game talk though, but Keiji thinks it’s nice to see Kenma smiling in way he hasn’t in the past year. As Bokuto bounces around the room, remarking on everything from bedsheet colors to poster placement, Keiji realizes just how much he’s missed his hurricane of a friend.

     “This place is really tiny, so you can come by our apartment anytime!” Bokuto says enthusiastically.

     “Well, call first, of course,” Kuroo corrects and shoots a smirk at him. Bokuto wiggles his eyebrows back before turning back to Keiji. “Right. Call us to come by anytime! It’s too much space and not enough company, really.” He bounces around the room another time before pulling out his phone to check the time.

     “Right, let’s get going.”

     “Since when are you on time, Bokuto-san?” Keiji asks with a smile. Bokuto looks back at him and says seriously, “Since we had to learn to match volleyball time with class time with study time.” Keiji blinks before breaking out into a full smile. Bokuto’s changed on the inside as well, using his responsibility for maybe the first time.

     “I’m surprised you didn’t trip on the pile of ex-boxes over there,” Keiji teases. He hopes his rarely used cheerfulness doesn’t come across as too weird to his friend, but Bokuto seems to enjoy his friend’s openness. Bokuto marches over to the stack by the door and comically falls on it. “Better?” They all laugh. “Much.” Keiji doesn’t know how he managed a year without his friend’s ridiculous antics to keep him from losing it.

     “Hey, bro, let’s head down to the car!” he calls to Kuroo, even though they’re only a few feet apart. Kuroo smiles again and grabs Kenma’s hand to tug him out the door. Bokuto gestures at the door with a grin. “Time to properly introduce you to the uni life.”

     Keiji follows him out of the room, trying not to be disappointed that he wasn’t offered a hand himself. He takes a few minutes to tidy up and lock up the room. Bokuto waits for him, and they walk down the stairs a few minutes, still chatting animatedly. Outside the residence hall, a sleek black Jeep waits. Kuroo sits at the wheel, and has given Kenma shotgun. The smaller boy has his elbows on the dashboard and stares out the window.

     “Aww, bro, I wanted to drive!” Bokuto complains.

     “Sorry, man. You can take us back then,” Kuroo waves his hand almost apologetically.

     Sighing dramatically, Bokuto pulls open the back door and bows, with an “After you, dearest Akaashi.” Keiji climbs in, and even though he knows it’s just sarcasm back at Kuroo, he finds Bokuto’s gesture sweet.

      _How romantic,_ a small part of his brain swoons. No, not now― _If only you were off to a five-star restaurant, and he was hiding a bouquet behind his back! And then later that night, after a delicious meal, he’d take you to the park, and you’d look up at the stars together. After you get caught staring at him too long, he’ll laugh and pull you into the the deepest kiss, and tell you how he feels! “Oh, Keiji, I’ve been in love with you since high school at least, and I never thought it would come to anything. I didn’t ever think that you felt like me. Keiji, Keiji, I love you. Will you stay with me forever?” And Keiji would reply with a passionate “Yes, I will―_

  _Idiot Keiji!_ He scolded himself. He can already feel his face turning red, and he stares out the window to avoid looking at the boy sitting next to him. Keiji sighs mentally.

    _This is going to be so much harder than I expected. I’m in love with him, and I am so, so screwed._

 

* * *

 

 

     Flashes of trees, reflective glass windows, and groups of students flit through Keiji’s vision as they drive. Bokuto points out various buildings and landmarks around the campus to him with little comments. Kenma had pulled out his phone halfway through the ride, and he concentrates on the screen rather than the tour. Keiji wonders how he never seems to run out of battery, yet he never sees his friend charge it. Kuroo, surprisingly, is a calm driver and obeys the rules of the road.

     He parks (perfectly parallel, too― Keiji never would have thought) on the street in front of a small coffeeshop. They get out of the car and Kuroo clicks the keys to lock it.

     Keiji raises his eyebrows at the _Java Steamhouse_. He can’t see anyone inside, and it’s Sunday, so he wonders whether it’s open or not. He looks up at his tour guides.

     “It’s usually pretty empty. Barely anyone wants to come this far out from the main buildings for coffee, but it’s really good. Plus, the barista’s our teammate. Official setter, actually,” Bokuto explains and pushes open the door. “Just, be prepared. He’s really, um―”

     “ _Flamboyant_ , I guess you'd describe him. For lack of a better word,” Kuroo finishes. Keiji exchanges a look with Kenma, reading they aren’t exactly ones to talk in the other boy’s gaze. “He’s a really good player though. Practically perfect sets every time. Doesn’t beat the years of playing with you two, though. But almost.”

     “It’ll be cool to meet him, then,” Kenma says. He’s very talkative today by his standards, and Keiji doesn’t miss the tiny smile and faint blush on his face as he looks at Kuroo. The older boy hasn’t noticed anything, thankfully.

     Inside the café, vintage photographs and, for some bizarre reason, a couple of alien posters, adorn the walls. It smells like freshly ground coffee beans and a little bit of vanilla. Booths line the walls, but Kuroo and Bokuto go right up to the counter, where there are a few stools, like at a bar. A handsome boy with wavy brown hair and a cheerful smile greets them.

     “Yoo-hoo, Boku-chan, Kuro-chan! The usual, or―” He turns and notices Keiji and Kenma standing awkwardly by the door. “You’ve brought friends!” He clasps his hands to his chest dramatically and flashes a bright white smile at them. “Hi! I’m Oikawa. What will you guys be having? We’ve got all kinds of coffee, tea if you aren’t a coffee person, hot chocolate if you aren’t a tea person, water if you’re a weird person―” Keiji cuts him off with a “Just a tall decaf dark, two milk one sugar, thanks.”

     He walks up to the counter and holds out his hand politely. Oikawa shakes it. “I’m Akaashi Keiji, Bokuto-san’s high school setter. It’s nice to meet you, Oikawa-san.” He gestures at Kenma, who quietly introduces himself. “Kozume Kenma. I played setter on Kuroo’s team. I’ll just have a hot chocolate, thanks. Extra whipped cream, if that’s OK?”

     “Fine, fine,” Oikawa waves his hand. “It’s really nice to meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you two! And you’re setters too? That’s cool! Are you playing here as well?” he asks, twirling back to the counter to prepare their orders. Keiji doesn’t know quite how to respond to the barista’s enthusiasm.

     “Er, no. We’re just here for undergrad,” he explains. Kenma pulls up a seat next to Kuroo and sits down, bringing out his phone again.

     “Aww. You’ll have to come by sometime and play with us, though. What’s your major?”

     “I’m taking courses in Literature and Japanese, but I’m also taking Art as my minor,” Keiji explains. “Kenma’s doing Gaming Design and Animation.”

     “Real shocker there, Kenma.” Bokuto waves him over and he sits down on his other side.

     “Hey, Akaashi, you remember Karasuno, right? The team we played in training camps and stuff?” Keiji nods. “Well, Oikawa and our other teammates Iwaizumi and Tendou came from Miyagi too, so they played them a lot in high school. So it’s almost like we were connected to each other before coming here. Cool, yeah?” his friend grins.

     “I guess?” Keiji responds.

     Oikawa sets down a mug of coffee in front of Keiji. He takes a sip, and it’s pretty good, actually. Kenma gingerly picks up his hot chocolate with two hands and lifts it to his mouth. “It’s really good,” Keiji says. Oikawa beams. “Thank you, thank you, no need to compliment perfection,” he practically sings. Kenma nods his head in agreement, and he wipes away the whipped cream moustache on his face. Kuroo and Bokuto begin to talk volleyball with Oikawa, who nods as he finishes up their drinks. Keiji listens in, and wonders how good Oikawa is.

     He seems to recall the ginger-haired first-year from Karasuno talking about him, but he doesn’t remember what he said exactly. When Oikawa hands his teammates their drinks, Bokuto’s eyes get wide and he literally screeches in appreciation. Oikawa puts his hand on his hip and wags a finger at him. “Boku-chan, don’t do that. There’s only so much owlishness I can handle in a day, you know.”

     Keiji privately agrees, but Bokuto acts offended and sticks his chin in the air haughtily. Kuroo snickers and takes a sip of his drink. Kenma has turned back to his game once again, hot chocolate finished.

     “I happen to like owls. _A lot_. Deal with it, Oikawa,” Bokuto says in a falsely stiff tone.

     “Well, it’s pretty evident, unfortunately,” Oikawa shoots back. “You should let me do your hair sometime. I happen to be an _expert_ at hair, lucky for you.” He flips his own locks for effect. “I didn’t just wake up this handsome.”

     Kuroo snorts into his coffee and ends up inhaling some. He glares fiercely at the hysterical Bokuto and Oikawa as Kenma pounds him on the back. Keiji laughs silently into his hand.

     “Yeah, well, would you look at the time? We should go,” Kuroo says grumpily as he stops coughing. “I don’t know about you idiots, but I actually care about uni and I have work to do. So I need to head back.” He pushes a few bills towards Oikawa. Still wiping his eyes and shaking, the barista takes them and waves goodbye.

     “It's only been like fifteen minutes―" Kenma starts.

     "Come on,” Kuroo steers Kenma out the door. Bokuto exchanges a last chuckle with Oikawa and leaves, hair argument clearly forgotten. "God, Kuroo's so salty," Oikawa laughs. Keiji starts walking towards the door when Oikawa calls out to him.

     “Hey, Aka-chan, can I have your number?”

     Keiji turns around.

     “Sorry, what?”

     “Your phone number,” Oikawa smiles patiently, holding out his phone.

     “Um, I’m sorry, but―”

     Oikawa laughs again, cutting him off.

     “No, you’re cute, but I have a boyfriend, if that’s what you think. I just don’t know how to deal with Boku-chan’s emo mode, as Kuro-chan calls it. You were his setter, right? I might need some help with him when he gets like that.”

     Relieved, Keiji types it into the other boy’s phone. “It’s good to know that you three get along, Oikawa-san. I’m glad you’ll be looking out for Bokuto-san as well.”

     He waves at the barista and goes out to meet his friends at the car.

 

* * *

 

 

     “Oikawa-san’s pretty cool,” Keiji says. He sits in the passenger seat, staring out the windshield at the streetlamps just starting to turn on. The sun’s sinking, and the sky is starting to turn pink near the horizon. Kuroo snorts, sitting in the backseat and still sulking. (Rather unfortunately, because Keiji’s stomach is not comfortable with Bokuto’s driving.)

     "He’s a good guy and all, and I’m glad I met him, but at the same time, you better watch yourself around him. When he’s in a bad mood, you don’t want to be there.” Bokuto nods his head vigorously, and the steering wheel jerks a little bit.

     Keiji wishes he had insisted on Kuroo driving them back. The silver-haired spiker has changed a lot since high school, but his road habits haven’t.

     “This one time, Kuroo and I got drunk at a party and we started flirting with Iwaizumi, you know, he’s another one of our teammates and he’s Oikawa’s boyfriend, I think you’d like him too―”

     “Anyway,” Keiji prompts. “Well, Kuroo got a little… _handsy_ , let’s say. And Oikawa didn’t like that.”

     The middle blocker scowls and glares out the window. Bokuto continues with the story.

     “So Oikawa stole one of Kuroo’s shirts and put on a party mask, and he started harassing this girl we didn’t know. He put his hands up her skirt and everything. Now, fun fact about Oikawa is that, if he’s doing a voice impression of someone, it’s scary accurate. It’s hilarious in conversation, but if he wants revenge or something… If I wasn’t with Kuroo at the time, I definitely would have thought it was him. Well, the girl certainly thought so, and our dear friend here might be facing some serious consequences if we hadn’t arrived when we did. Oikawa hightailed it then of course, and we didn’t tell her who the impersonator really was, but we learned not to mess with him.”

     Keiji blinks. He wouldn’t have thought the cheerful barista capable of such ruthless behaviour. But then again, most people wouldn’t have looked at Bokuto and thought _‘math genius’_.

     There’s an uncomfortable silence in the car as Keiji and Kenma process the information.

     “So, Oikawa-san’s boyfriend, Iwaizumi-san,” Keiji changes the subject, “what’s he like?”

     “He’s actually the complete opposite of Oikawa. Kinda grumpy, kinda short, down-to-earth, you know, but you can really tell that they love each other. They’ve been best friends since they were little kids, so they’re practically married as it is. Around the end of high school, Iwaizumi was going to go to a different university from Oikawa, but our dear clingy setter confessed there and then, and _poof_.

     “They’re even rooming together. It’s ridiculously cliché, but nobody gives a damn because they literally light up whenever they’re together. And a happy Oikawa plus a happy Iwaizumi is a happy everyone.” Kuroo finishes with jazz hands. He sounds sarcastic, but Keiji can read his friend’s face and he can tell that he wishes he has someone that way.

     Kenma has his phone out again, deliberately not looking at the boy sitting next to him. His fingers are shaking, and not because of Bokuto’s jerky driving. Because he knows Kuroo well enough to hear the almost-undetectable wistfulness in his old captain’s voice. _Is the person he’s looking for me? Or has he just not found them yet?_

     Buildings and trees pass by as the Jeep rolls along bumpily, none of the four saying anything. Before long, it pulls up in front of Kenma and Keiji’s residence hall.

     Keiji pushes the car door open and climbs out.

     “So―”

     “Uh―”

     Keiji smiles a little awkwardly at his old friends. “Thanks for kind of showing us around, Bokuto-san, Kuroo-san. It was nice seeing you after such a long time. When do you think we can meet up again?” He ignores the tiny hitch in his breath, the rush of blood to his face, barely visible in the orange light that the setting sun washes over everything.

     Bokuto waves his hand with a grin. “Soon enough, I expect. We’re at J Steam every Tuesday and Thursday at around five-ish, and Saturday mornings at eleven. Coffee’s only good on Oikawa’s shift, if I have to be honest. Anyway, drop in anytime. It’ll be great with you two, and you might meet some of our teammates as well. Other than that, you’ve got our numbers, so call whenever! Love ya!”

     Blushing furiously, Keiji waves back at his friends and walks into the building, with Bokuto’s “Love ya!” echoing in his ears.


	2. Bro... That's Pure Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa wonders what he ever did to deserve his friends. Surely he wasn't that bad in a past life? Kuroo has a beautiful way with words... If only he didn't use them for the sole purpose of annoying people. Bokuto is a math genius but a huge idiot at others things. Iwaizumi loves his boyfriend, but there's a time and a place for clinginess. Tendou is mostly asleep inside. Akaashi is a god and they are all his faithful subjects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might have had plot once,,, but then i just let the Darker Parts of my mind take over
> 
> i am so sorry oikawa, i never meant for you to suffer like this (but come on. time for a taste of your own medicine or something like that. probably)
> 
> ayyyyy bokuroo flirting for the sole purpose of annoying everyone
> 
> akaashi is reallllllly good at crosswords n kenma is a cat and doesn't leave buildings when it's raining
> 
>  
> 
> oh yeah- side note: so i write in third person, but you can tell who's pov it is bc i use their first names if they're narrating. so this chapter it's koutarou and tetsurou instead of bokuto and kuroo. the writing style's also a bit different, less poetic-ish than the last one bc the stupid spiky hair duo probably don't think the way akaashi does

     At the  _ Java Steamhouse, _ Tetsurou takes a sip of his frappucino, frowning at his best friend’s textbook. Bokuto is taking classes in engineering, and even though he might understand the complicated math, no one else really does. His teammates Tendou and Iwaizumi sit in the booth next to the window, filling out a crossword together. Outside, the sky is gray and it’s storming heavily, like some mortal had pissed off a cloud god or something and now everyone’s being rained on as punishment. Oikawa flits around restlessly, like he always does during bad weather.

     The bathroom door opens and Bokuto walks back up to the counter. He sits down next to Tetsurou. The spiker grins at his friend’s confused expression. Snatching back the textbook, he asks Tetsurou if he would like a lesson.

     “Aw, hell no!” He exclaims, moving a seat over, as if the textbook and it’s owner would chase him if he didn’t move away from it. “My classes are confusing enough as it is, I do  _ not _ want more brain damage, thank you very much.” Bokuto shrugs.

     Over by the window, Oikawa waves his hands wildly, darting all over the place rather unprofessionally with short exclamations. Tendou looks up, but Iwaizumi points out another word and they return to the paper. They ignore the barista’s begs for attention. Oikawa tries to get their attention for another minute, but to no result. He throws up his hands dramatically and stalks off, muttering an  _ “Iwa-chan is so mean” _ to himself, or possibly the alien mug shots on the wall.

     “What is with the aliens? I still don’t know,” Bokuto asks, voicing Tetsurou’s thoughts. The setter had never explained his fascination with the things. Oikawa huffs.

     “I believe in higher intelligence and wisdom, and right now I wish they would abduct me so I wouldn’t have to deal with you  _ ingrates _ who refuse to even look at me even though I  _ slave away _ for you  _ twenty-four/seven! _ ” He punctuates the sentence with a sharp glare at his boyfriend, who still doesn’t respond. Tetsurou and Koutarou crack up.

     “It’s not funny!” The barista practically shrieks. “I love Iwa-chan so much, even though he’s so mean and grumpy, and what does he do? Calls me names and punches me! He should be so grateful to have such a beautiful, lovable, perfect boyfriend―” They laugh even harder at this. “ _ Shut up! _ I don’t see you two in relationships, anyway!”

     Tetsurou smirks and puts an arm around Bokuto, wiggling his fingers. “I don’t need a romantic relationship, because all I need is my bromance, right?  _ He is the light of my life, and I wish not to diminish his brightness with another. The other stars do not shine like he does, and without him, my sky would be already darker _ ,” he recites dramatically.

     “ _ Bro. _ That was deep,” Bokuto whispers loudly. “Write more poetry for me, o best dude ever.”

     Oikawa shakes his head. “You language types make the rest of us look like shit whenever you work your twisted word magic or whatever dictionary-ish stuff it is that you do.”

     “Dude, your vocabulary is awful.”

     “Does the  _ entire fucking world exist for the sole purpose of making my life hell _ ―”

     “OK, OK, chill, my dude,” Bokuto says, making  _ calm down _ gestures at the fuming boy in front of them. “Stay with us, we love you and all. What were we talking about, anyway?”

     Oikawa sits down, arms crossed and glaring at everything in the café. “Why you two aren’t dating anyone.”

     They shrug.

     “No time for that.  _ Be free until you can’t _ , if you know what I mean? We’re young and handsome anyway, so there won’t be any problems when we do decide to,” Tetsurou says.

     “Aside from your awful personalities,” Oikawa corrects grumpily.

     “You’re one to talk, Trashykawa.”

     “Do you want me to ban you from coming―”

     “We’re sorry, we’re sorry!” Bokuto wails at the threat. “Kuroo didn’t mean that!”

     “What are you talking about? Of course I―” Tetsurou shuts up as his best friend elbows him in the gut. “―was being a crappy person and I am totally sorry about that.” He glares back at Bokuto, but Oikawa seemed satisfied.

     “Only Iwa-chan is allowed to call me that, by the way.”

     Tetsurou drinks the rest of his frappucino in one gulp and orders another one. The barista goes back behind the counter to work on it. Koutarou frowns at his best friend.

     “But seriously bro, why aren’t you dating anyone? You’re super hot and I bet tons of people would love to be with you.”

     Tetsurou grinned. “You think I’m hot?”

     “Smoking.”

     “Aww. You’re hella fine yourself.”

     “Your face is pure art, my friend.”

     “Your everything is pure art.”

     “We’d make some good-looking kids.”

     “Agreed. Let’s not have any then. We should probably spare the world their holy, ethereal, inhuman beauty. It’d do everyone a favor, keeping them from making a fool of themselves, falling at our feet begging for a marriage blessing.”

     “...Bro. You have a way with words.”

     Oikawa puts down a grande mocha frappe in front of Tetsurou, who nods appreciatively. The barista looks at the two sitting at the counter for a moment, before saying, “Please stop. Besides, we all know I’m the best-looking one. Right, Iwa-chan?”

     No response. It takes all of Tetsurou’s self control to hold back his laugh. Bokuto, on the other side of him, buries his face against his arm to keep from losing it. Oikawa mutters to himself, before turning back to his friends. “Why  _ aren’t _ you two dating? You’re practically a couple already. Also, if you’re going to flirt, please be less gross about it.”

     Tetsurou tries to keep a serious face, but as he looks at his best friend, he starts guffawing. Bokuto frowns. “Do I have something on my face?”

     The middle blocker wheezes. “No, no, you’re fine… my love.”

     “Wait a minute… you love me?”

     “Of course, my best dude of all time.”

     Oikawa points a coffee stirrer at them. “See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. Your bromance is ridiculous. Just hook up already.”

     Bokuto wiggles his eyebrows at him. “What makes you think we haven’t?”

     The barista throws up his hands. “Oh my God, stop! What are you waiting for then? Go ahead and be official boyfriends or whatever. It’s not like it would make much of a difference.”

     Tetsurou takes a sip of his drink thoughtfully. While he does love his best friend, that’s it. They’re just best friends. He could date Bokuto, but why bother? Why add a meaningless title to their relationship?

     “He’s not  _ the one _ . Star-crossed lovers, two hearts intertwined as one, Romeo and Juliet― that’s just not us. If we went out, what’s the point? I’m perfectly happy with what we have right now. I don’t want to be my best friend’s boyfriend. I just want to be his best friend. You know what I mean?” He glances over at Bokuto, who seems to have taken mock offense at his rejection.

     “Bro… I thought there was something more. I thought we had a connection. But you turn around and break my heart like this? I loved you!” The silver-haired boy pretends to sob in anguish. Tetsurou decides to play along.

     It’s fun, annoying Oikawa.

     He leans toward his friend, holding out his hands. The other boy turns away. “Don’t touch me, you traitor!”

     “My dearest one, please tell me what I can do to make you forgive me. I never wanted us to end like this!” Koutarou turns to face him, eyes shining.

     “You truly want me back?”

     “I do!”

     “Then, please, kiss me! Kiss me to show that you feel as you say you do! Or I will forever abandon you to your fate, and pray to the heavens that I never meet you again!”

     Tetsurou gently takes his friend’s face in his hands. Bokuto smirks a little. It’s just a bit infuriating. Heaving a sigh, Tetsurou crushes his mouth against the other boy’s. That gets rid of the smirk.

     Oikawa is not impressed with the drama queens.

     “Bro, if you want me to kiss you then I will,” Tetsurou says.

     “In that case, bro, we should do it again sometime. You’re a very good kisser.”

     “Hmmm… I wouldn’t mind that.”

     “Me neither.”

     The middle blocker glances over at Oikawa, who's really annoyed again.

     “Maybe we could take it a little farther than that,” Tetsurou replies in a low voice, right up in his friend’s face. He snakes a hand around Bokuto’s waist. “Maybe a  _ lot _ farther.”

     “I  _ definitely _ wouldn’t mind that.”

     Oikawa slams down his hands and stomps over to Iwaizumi and Tendou. “Iwa-chan! Shut those two up, please!”

     Iwaizumi finally looks up at his boyfriend. He glances over at Tetsurou and Bokuto, who are making kissy faces at each other. The spiker rolls his eyes.

     “They’re being gross flirters! I hate gross flirters!” Oikawa whines loudly.

     “I don’t even think that’s a word.”

     “Whatever! They’re being really gay, Iwa-chan.”

     “Oikawa. _We’re_ _gay_. Please go away and let me do this crossword in peace.”

     “But  _ Iwa-chaaaaan _ ―”

     “Go away, Shittykawa.”

_      “Why is everyone on this goddamn planet trying to torture me like this?!” _

 

* * *

 

 

     Koutarou was tangoing with his best friend to some ridiculous American pop song in the middle of the café when the front door opened. A new customer in a heavy black raincoat walked in. The room went silent aside from the stupid music as Oikawa fumbled around, trying to restore the last bits of his dignity and professionalism. 

     Raincoat guy paused, and another moment of silence passed until he remarked dryly, “Clearly I’ve missed something,” and pulls down his hood.

     Koutarou grins. “Hey hey, Akaashi! How nice of you to join us!”

     ”Bokuto-san, may I ask what you are doing to Kuroo?”

     He frowns. Kuroo has an expression of pain on his face as his partner attempts to dip him. “Um, we’re dancing.”

     Kuroo grunts and pulls away. “I think dancing is supposed to be relaxing and graceful. So far you’ve dropped me onto the floor, crashed me into a chair, and spilled half my drink trying to pick me back up. I don’t think that’s called dancing.”

     ”Bro, that hurt,” Koutarou complains. Nevertheless, his lets go of his friend, who promptly collapses into a seat, wheezing. Oikawa glares at them, before turning back with a smile at Akaashi, who hangs up his coat on the hatstand. “What would you like, my dear fellow setter? It’s on the house if you can save me from the insanity that is the Stupid Hair Duo.”

     “Stupid Hair Duo? What a perfect description,” Akaashi muses. He sets down his stuff on the counter and takes a seat. “I”ll just have my regular, thanks. Sorry I haven’t come by, I’ve been busy this week.”

     “No problem. Hey, have you met our teammates yet?” Oikawa waves at Iwaizumi and Tendou, over by the window. “Come meet the newest volleybro. Well, ex-volleybro. He doesn’t play anymore.”

     Tendou bounces over from the booth and bows exaggeratedly, rainy-day lethargy temporarily forgotten. “I’m Tendou Satori! But you can call me the better middle blocker, if that’s easier.”

     Kuroo sits up with an indignant “Hey!”

     “What?” The redhead shrugs. “We all know it’s true.”

     “No, it isn’t!”

     “Fine. But I don’t believe in lying to myself.”

     Iwaizumi walks over to the bemused Akaashi and holds out a hand. “Ignore those two. They’re all idiots. Iwaizumi Hajime, wing spiker. I’m Oikawa’s boyfriend.” He raises his eyebrows a little, as if daring Akaashi to say something.

     “That’s fine by me. I’m bisexual, by the way.”

     ”See?” Tendou crows. “It’s true! Volleyball is the chosen sport of the gays!”

     ”Moving on―” Iwaizumi interrupts. “Akaashi, are you any good at crosswords?”

     Akaashi frowns. “I think so.”

     “Right then. Can you help me with the puzzle? Tendou’s a great volleyball player and a crazy chemistry genius, but he isn’t much help with words.”

     “Hey!”

     Kuroo looks around, puzzled. “Hey Akaashi? Where’s Kenma? I thought he always came with you.”

     Akaashi picks up Tendou’s pencil and gets to work studying the sheet. “He’s back at the dorm doing homework. You know the guy, he hates rain.”

     “Aww. It’s only been a few days and I miss him already.”

     “Kuroo-san, you coped for a year without him. Stop distracting me from Iwaizumi-san’s crossword.”

     Kuroo sticks his tongue out at him. Koutarou rolls his eyes at his best friend, but underneath he feels uneasy.  _ Does Kuroo have a crush on Kenma? I feel like I’ve picked up on it in the past. Should I ask him? _

_      And if he does and he finds out, would Kenma be able to handle it? _

 

* * *

 

 

     ”There you go, Iwaizumi-san. I think that’s it.” Akaashi pushes the pencil and newspaper back at the older boy, who stares at him, amazed. It’s only been two minutes since the newcomer sat down, and in that time he had filled out the incomplete third of the page by himself. Everyone bursts into applause. Akaashi smirks a tiny bit at Tendou, who turns away, huffing grumpily.

     “Akaashi, you’re a language major like Kuroo, right?” Iwaizumi asks.

     “Yes. Actually, why didn’t you ask him to help before I got here?”

     “He was busy flirting with Bokuto and also, he’s annoying.”

     “Hey!” Tetsurou protests.

     “Flirting with― Clearly I miss all the good stuff if I arrive too late. What time are you all normally here? I can probably help control those idiots in the future.”

     Oikawa groans. “Thank God for you, Aka-chan. What time is it now?” He checks the clock on the wall, reading  _ 6:17 _ . “Yeah, I’ve been suffering for about two hours now.”

     “Aww, you love me,” Koutarou practically purrs as he drapes an arm around the barista, who promptly kicks him in the shin. “ _ Iwa-chan! _ Can we  _ please _ go home now? I don’t think anyone sane will show up in this weather now.”

     “No, Oikawa, you have a job. You can’t just leave in the middle of your shift.”

     “Please? I’ll let you buy shampoo that you like for me!”

     “Assikawa, normal people don’t use four scents at once.”

     “But it smells good!”

     “Not to me.”

     “But―”

     Kuroo interrupts them. “I know you’re all busy with your sickeningly domestic relationship and all, but Akaashi still hasn’t gotten his drink. Free, was it?”

     The barista flushes and walks back behind the counter, where the coffeepot has finished boiling. Iwaizumi sighs. “I can’t believe how much stuff he puts in his hair. It’s ridiculous.”

     Tendou pokes him. “But you like it, don’t you?”

     “Yeah,” he says, resignedly. “I do.”

     Koutarou gags. Iwaizumi and Oikawa are the very definition of PDA, and sometimes everyone wishes they would just  _ stop _ .

_      Oooh, is that  _ jealousy _ I hear?  _ The other voice in his head says, accompanied by a familiar twitching sensation, filled with dread. Oh no. Not now.

_      No, of course not. Shut up,  _ he thinks back.

_      You should get a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend, you never know. You might be branching out. _

_      Shut up. I don’t need this right now. _

_      Well, Kuroo won’t make a move on Kenma anytime soon, and he did make an offer. _

_      I am not in love with him. _

_      No, you aren’t. You don’t even know what love is, Koutarou. _

_      Get out of my head. _

_      I only exist in your head. I’m always here. And I hate it when you forget about me. _

_      SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE. _

     Everyone looks at him funny, and Koutarou realizes he’s been speaking out loud.

     “Um… Bokuto, is everything alright?” Iwaizumi looks concerned. Most of the time, Koutarou only acts out during a game. But when the thoughts of that other shadow self hit him outside of the sport, there’s nothing to keep them away.

     “What?”

     “You’ve been sitting there silently for like five minutes, and you’re talking to yourself. Um, in two different voices. And er, very aggressively?”

     The silver-haired boy looks at his hands, which are shaking. He can feel everyone else staring at him, and he shuts his eyes, feeling tears pushing up against the lids. He still doesn’t understand what causes these attacks, but he hates it. He hates that other him in his head. He hates the things that the other him says.

     He hates that those things are always true.

     “It’s just― I’ll be OK,” he chokes out.

     He feels long, slender fingers wrap around his hands. “Look at me,” a voice commands. Koutarou opens his eyes. Blue-green-grey irises look into his own. 

     “Bokuto-san, it’s OK. You’re fine. I still have your pills, actually. Do you need any?”

     “You still have―? Yes, I do. Please, Akaashi,” he’s almost sobbing now. In his mind, the other voice mocks him.  _ Please, Akaashi,  _ it says, singsongy and horrible.  _ Koutarou, you already have a mother. You don’t need him to baby you as well, do you? _

_      Just stop, _ he pleads.

     Akaashi pushes a familiar bottle into his hands. Koutarou’s fingers are still badly shaking, and his friend has to open it for him.

     “Oikawa-san, can we get a glass of water, please?”

     The barista shakes out of his stupor. “Absolutely. Do you need anything else, Boku-chan?”

     “N-no, I don’t think so―”

     “Iwa-chan, go fetch him a jacket. He looks cold.” Iwaizumi gets up and walks to the coat rack. Kuroo helps Akaashi measure out the right pills. Tendou has his phone out on standby, in case they need to call an ambulance.

     Koutarou knows he’ll be fine once he gets some medicine. This isn’t the worst one he’s ever gotten, and back then his whole volleyball team was there to help. But it’s the first time it’s happened outside a game with his new teammates.  _ Oh, no. Even more people who know that you’re a headcase. I wonder how many friends you’ll lose this time around? _

     “Just  _ stop _ !” He yells. “Get out of my mind!”

     “Bokuto-san, ignore it. We’re here for you. Listen to us―that other voice isn’t you, OK? You don’t need to take what it says seriously. Whatever it is this time, let it go.” Akaashi pushes a small pill into his friend’s hand, and Koutarou swallows it. Kuroo’s on hand with a glass of water, which Koutarou drinks gratefully. Another two pills go down, and he can’t hear the other him anymore. His hands stop shaking.

     He looks around at his friends, with serious looks on their faces. Koutarou waits for the rejection, just like the first time this happened, when all his friends decided they didn’t want to be associated with someone mental.

     “Bokuto, whatever happened, we know it isn’t your fault. If there’s anything you can tell us so we can be more helpful in the future, that’d be nice. But just know that we don’t blame you, and we’ll stick by you no matter what,” Iwaizumi says softly.

     “Yeah. I have ADHD, so I kinda get what you’ve been going through. The kids at my elementary school used to call me a monster and bullied me, so I’ll just let you know that I won’t let anything like that happen to my friends.” Tendou grins, and Koutarou feels a bit better.      He looks at Akaashi and Kuroo, and wills them to explain. He doesn’t feel ready to say so himself, but he trusts his friends.

     Akaashi speaks quietly and seriously. “So I don’t know what’s happened over the past year, but I think you’ve probably seen Bokuto-san’s emo mode, as we call it, during volleyball at some point?” Everyone nods. “And you probably know about his mood swings.” More nodding. “Well, that’s just a small part of it.”

     “Bokuto has bipolar disorder,” Kuroo explains. “And I forgot to refill his prescription a day ago. So sometimes, he has a kind of panic attack as a result.”

     “I-I hear another voice in my head. It’s me, but―not exactly. And it says really awful things. Without my pills, I can’t block it out. Sometimes there’s other things too, but it’s always the voice.” Koutarou blinks rapidly, but tears trail down his face anyway.

     Oikawa hands him a napkin, and he wipes his face. Akaashi continues.

     “It’s been better these last two or three years. The antidepressants and mood stabilizers work well, and I don’t think he’s had an attack since high school. There’s the episodes during volleyball, of course, but those are different.”

     “But in the first year of high school or so, it was really bad.” Koutarou looks down blankly at his sneakers, kicking gently at the air.

     “Those thigh-high kneepads? He used them to hide the fact that he was cutting from the rest of us. He used to overtrain because pain was a way to mute out the voice, if only for a little bit,” Akaashi looks around at everyone else.

     Oikawa nods. “Bokuto, I used to overtrain as well. Because I needed to distract myself from my feelings, back when I felt like I was a freak of society because I liked boys instead of girls. So I can understand that part.”

     Koutarou glances around again, at all these people who accepted him for who he was. “Guys, I-I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you all―” He sniffs. Kuroo flashes a stupid smirk at him and ruffles his owlish hair. “Bro, we’re all nutcases here. Don’t think we’ll abandon you for something stupid like that.”

     “Just make sure you’re all good by practice tomorrow. I don’t know what the team would do without our star player and ace.” Iwaizumi adds. Everyone smiles at Koutarou.

     He feels a lot better than he has in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one made me laugh like a lunatic and then cry a lil bit at the end
> 
> so i hope y'all enjoyed it as much as i liked writing it
> 
> i did a little bit of research on the mental disorders but i still don't know much, so if it's inaccurate or offensive let me know, and i'll fix it
> 
> is flirters a word?
> 
> next time: volleyball 3-on-3 for fun ft kenma and akaashi bc *iwaizumi voice* "crappykawa you dumbass i told not to overwork yourself now u can't play go sit in the corner and watch. you idiot." so they be in need of setters
> 
> also bokuto and kuroo's kids would be pretty damn hot if that were scientifically possible
> 
> ...
> 
> OH YEAH IM WORKING ON A NEW FIC AS WELL RN SO THAT MIGHT TAKE UP TIME AS WELL BUT I LOVE THE IDEA A WHOLE LOT and i will not say anymore,,, read it urselves when it's up,,,, probably around the time of the next update or the one after
> 
> bye and love y'all╰(ꈍᴗꈍ╰)


	3. Once Upon A Time, This Was A Volleyball Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Iwaizumi make everyone jealous/annoyed by having a pretty-much-perfect relationship.  
> Kenma was savage at first but then he was sad.  
> Akaashi, get a hold on your emotions.  
> Kuroo and Bokuto― please don't. Also, your angst perception must be broken.  
> Tendou may be a little kinky and a little wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant to update earlier oh my god but my wifi temporarily broke, i had school applications to do, lots of homework, and more
> 
> anyway if y'all are into text fics, the next chap is pretty setter squad text fic

[10:17]

_    Oikawa Tooru: hey akachan u free today _

 

_    Akaashi Keiji: Hello, Oikawa-san. I think so, why? _

 

_    Oikawa Tooru: theres an open practice every 2 weeks, its optional _

_    Oikawa Tooru: most if the team stays @ home 2 do work _

_    Oikawa Tooru: me iwa bokuto kuroo n tendou usulaly invite etiher suga or ushiwaka 2 play 3on3 bc no one else comes _

_    Oikawa Tooru: but iwa wont let me ply this time bc ive been overtraining apperently :/ n suga and waka r busy _

 

_    Akaashi Keiji: Oh, so you want me to play? _

 

_    Oikawa Tooru: ye if thats alright, ask kenma if he wants 2 as well _

_    Oikawa Tooru: we need 2 setters n im ref _

_    Oikawa Tooru: its @ 11 _

 

_    Akaashi Keiji: OK. I’ll be right back. _

 

[10:24]

_    Akaashi Keiji: Kenma says OK. Where is the gym? _

 

_ [ _ _ Oikawa Tooru _ _ has sent you his location] _

_    Oikawa Tooru: teams r: u bokuto n tendou vs kenma kuroo n iwachan _

_    Oikawa Tooru: seeya soon _

 

* * *

 

 

   Kenma gets off the bus at the gym. He glances over at Akaashi, who has a pensive frown on his face.  _ I can’t believe I’m going to be playing with Kuro again, against Bokuto and Akaashi. This is weird. It feels like high school all over again. _

_    Relax, Kozume. _

   “Relax, Kenma. You’ll be too easy to beat if you stay tense like that.” His friend gently pats his back.

   He brushes it off. “Yeah, I’m fine.”  _ Probably. _

_    Probably fine. _

_    Probably a good reason why Kuro hasn’t been texting you back. Probably a good reason why he has so many selfies with Bokuto. Probably a good reason for those suggestive comments on them. Probably a reason other than them being a couple. _

_    Right? _

   “Kenma. Stop thinking about it.”

   “You don’t even know what I’m―”

   “You’re beating yourself up over Kuroo-san not texting you back, aren’t you?”

   “I am n―”

   “Whatever it is, it’s not your fault. Maybe they’re dating, maybe they aren’t, but don’t dwell on it too much. OK? I want to play a good game.”

   “Thanks.”  _ You hypocrite,  _ he thinks _. You’re feeling it too. _

   Kenma manages to get two steps into the gym before Bokuto and Kuroo jump on them.

   “Yooooo, Kenma, ‘Kaashi! Nice to see you!” Bokuto yells.

   “It’s literally been three days, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi grumbles as the older boy ruffles his hair. Kuroo grins stupidly at everyone. “Kenma, you haven’t been texting! What’s up?”

   “You haven’t been texting me, Kuro. So I didn’t talk back, I guess.”

   Kuroo frowns. “But I― Oh wait! I got a new phone! Guess I forgot to give you the number?”

   Kenma instantly feels relieved at his friend’s sheepish look.  _ Oh, so that was it. _

_    Wait. He could have just texted your number. It’s not like you got a new phone. _

   Akaashi shoots him another look. Kenma reads  _ we’ll talk about it later  _ in his gaze.

   A whiny voice calls out. “Well, your reunion of two weeks is nice and all, but we’re here to play a game!” Immediately, it’s followed by a thump, and “Ow,  _ Iwa-chan _ ―” and “Oikawa, don’t be rude!”

   Iwaizumi and Oikawa walk over from the other side of the gym, the setter still pouting. Kenma rolls his eyes at the couple.

   A tall mess of red hair― Tendou, Kenma guesses― pops up behind them. “I agree. Let’s get started, yeah?”

 

* * *

 

 

   “Tendou-san, nice serve!” Keiji shouts at his teammate. The middle blocker grins and smashes the ball towards the other side of the court. Kuroo moves to intercept it and receives it cleanly, sending it effortlessly towards Kenma. The setter tosses to Iwaizumi, who pulls back his arm in a spike. Bokuto jumps.

_    Look at him. He’s glowing. You forgot how volleyball feels to him. You forgot what it makes him into. _

_    How could you have forgotten? _

_    It’s so beautiful. _

   “One touch!”

   “Got it!” Keiji sets the ball towards the ace, who whips his arm back and slams it onto the other side of the court.

_    He’s so beautiful. _

   “15-13, Team Owl,” Oikawa calls from the sideline. “Iwa-chan, two points to catch up! You can do it!”

   The spiker nods tersely, pointedly looking away from his boyfriend, who decided to go shirtless at some point in the game. Keiji rolls his eyes. Oikawa’s never one to like being ignored.

   Iwaizumi misses the receive.

   On the other side of the court, Kenma sighs as he picks up the ball. “Oikawa, please put your shirt back on. You’re distracting Iwaizumi, and I actually want to win this game.”

   Iwaizumi flushes furiously. “Kenma!”

   Oikawa grins. “No.”

   “Oikawa-kun, I hate to say it, but Kenma’s right. Put your shirt back on, you fucker.” Tendou adds from Keiji’s side. “I don’t want to lose, of course, but Iwaizumi’s no fun if he can’t concentrate. You can’t crush someone’s spirit if it isn’t completely into it.”

   “Aww. I like it when he blushes!”

   “ _ Oikawa Tooru!”  _ Iwaizumi splutters.

   Kuroo snickers. “God, they’re so gay.” The second years, excluding the embarrassed Iwaizumi, laugh.

   “Oh, come on, like we all aren’t?” Bokuto jokes. Keiji feels a giggle escape his lips.

_    You forgot how he made the team laugh, how he made you laugh. _

_    How could you have forgotten? _

   Iwaizumi looks like he wants to both die and murder everyone simultaneously.

   “Can we get back to the game?” Kenma asks. He looks bored, but Keiji knows that he’s excited, somewhere deep down.

   “Yeah, but  _ Iwa-chan _ ’s too distracted by his boyfriend’s abs!” Bokuto snorts.

   “Only I get to call him that,” Oikawa glares. “Fine. I’ll put it back on if Iwa-chan takes his off!”

   “ _ Oh my God, Tooru!”  _ Iwaizumi buries his face in his hands.

   “Do it!” Kuroo shouts.

   “Do it!” Tendou adds.

   “Damn, Iwaizumi! We wanna see if your body is anywhere near as fine as your arms,” Bokuto cheers.

   “Trust me, it is,” Oikawa winks. “And just as skilled, too.”

   “ _ Kill me now.” _

   “But Iwa-chan, there’s so much you’ll miss tonight if you kick it now! Besides, I don’t get to see you shirtless enough, do I? I’m not passing up a chance to visually lick those rock-solid abs.”

   Kuroo gags. Bokuto and Tendou collapse into laughter as Iwaizumi tackles his boyfriend. Keiji rolls his eyes.

   “Iwa-chan,  _ stop! _ ” Oikawa shrieks as the other boy attacks him with vicious tickles. “I just want to see your stomach right now, god knows how much hard work I’ve been doing. Just a little stress relief, please?”

   “I’ll give you stress relief later,” Iwaizumi whispers in a low voice. Oikawa giggles.

   “Jesus Christ, get a room!” Kenma says. “Iwaizumi, Oikawa, I will personally kick your asses if we lose because of you.”

   Keiji smirks at his friend, knowing full well that’s he’s capable and willing to carry out his threat. Oikawa seems to pick up on it as well, and immediately pushes his boyfriend away.

   “When we get back, I’ll let you have your way with me,” Oikawa promises, and puts his sweater back on.

   “We don’t need to know about the nasty, you guys. We accept that you’re fucking gay and horny, but I believe this was once a volleyball game?” Kuroo hollers.

   "Only if these two can stop getting distracted.” Keiji sighs. He really did just want to come for the match. There’s already enough drama at the  _ Java Steamhouse _ .

   “It’s not my fault he’s so damn hot and ripped!” Oikawa protests.

   There’s a moment of silence as everyone internally screams. Kuroo actually screams. Well, quietly, of course.

   “For the record,” Tendou says, grinning, “have you ever  _ seen _ Wakatoshi shirtless?”

 

* * *

 

 

   Everyone crowds around Tendou’s phone as he scrolls through his camera roll. Kuroo whistles appreciatively at a particularly artistic photo of a naked-except-for-like-half-a-pillow Ushijima Wakatoshi.

   “Damn, Satori, how’d you get such a hot boyfriend?”

   Tendou practically snarls. “ _ My  _ boyfriend. Don’t you dare.”

   Oikawa looks a little sulky. “Iwa-chan’s hotter than Ushiwaka the cow.”

   Iwaizumi smiles at his boyfriend. “While I appreciate that, I don’t want Tendou to kill you.”

   True to the statement, the redhead puts up his fists. “Bro, fight me.”

   “Iwa-chan, you’re better at punching. You fight him for me! My knight in shining armor!”

   In the end, Tendou agrees to a truce, on the condition that Oikawa show everyone pictures of Iwaizumi, who has still refused to take his shirt off.

   Kuroo whistles again, and Oikawa glares at him. He puts his hands up, defensively. “What? He’s hot.” More glaring. “And so are you. You’re the goddamn most unfairly good-looking couple I’ve ever had the displeasure to meet.”

   “Can’t deny that, Neko-chan.” Oikawa’s scowl lessens somewhat at the compliment.

   Bokuto interjects with a, “Bro, you’re super hot too, though! I mean―” He pulls out his phone and opens up the camera app. Keiji feels his stomach twist as the spiker clicks on a photo of a peacefully sleeping Kuroo, wearing nothing but black Hello Kitty boxers, in what looks like a double bed.

_    When did he take those? _

_    Are there more? _

   “Just look at those back muscles!” He exclaims.

_    You wish that was me, don’t you, Bokuto-san?  _ Keiji glances around quickly, certain he’d said that out loud. Thankfully, no one seems to have heard anything.

   Kuroo studies the picture. “Bro, I’d forgotten I owned those.”

   “You should wear them more often, dude. They look pretty damn good on your fine ass.”

_    If you have pictures of Kuroo, does he have pictures of you?  _ Keiji thinks, half torn between jealousy and wanting to see them.

   “Yeah, maybe I should. Anyway, what happened to your Hoothoot briefs?”

   Keiji giggles again.  _ What the hell is happening to me today? You gotta chill, Keiji.  _ He looks over at Kenma, who is trying not to stare at Bokuto’s phone.

   Bokuto hisses and claps a hand over his roommate’s mouth. “Tetsu, they weren’t supposed to know about the Pokemon thing!”

_    Tetsu? _

   "Oh. Oops. Sorry Kou.” He grins apologetically.

_    Kou? _

_    Since when do they call each other by their first names? _

_    By  _ pet names _ of their first names? _

   “Hey, when’d you take that photo?”

   “Um, that night after the party at Semi’s?”

   Kuroo laughs. “Yeah, those shots were pretty heavy. Tendou, your bro is  _ wild _ .”

   “So was I, if I recall? That was the night I broke into Oikawa’s flat with Ushijima and we had sex right there in their bed?” Tendou smirks. “What a nice mattress. We should do it again sometime.”

   The setter shrieks. “You did  _ what?!” _

   Iwaizumi frowns at his boyfriend. “You don’t remember? We walked in on them.”

   Oikawa screams again.

   “We were pretty drunk; you might not remember. Makki and Mattsun were visiting and I think we had a foursome with them.” Iwaizumi scratches the back of his head. “It was kinda hot, actually.”

   “ _ OH MY GOD _ ― _ ”  _ His boyfriend clearly does not remember, and he runs out of the gym, still shrieking in horror.

   “What a drama queen,” Kuroo grumbles.

   Iwaizumi shoots him a glance. “Don’t pretend you aren’t fucking high-maintenance too.”

   “I am n― Can we change the subject? Oh yeah, Bo, dude, I have some pics of you from that night too. Can we just all appreciate how damn ripped you are? Like, bro, you’re 10/10, would date, the whole deal.”

   “Aww,” the spiker flushes. “Here, lemme see.”

_    Back off,  _ Tetsu,  _ he’s mine.  _ Keiji thinks sullenly. Kenma glares at him.

   Kuroo pulls out his phone, and everyone gathers around him to see. He opens a picture of a shirtless Bokuto, holding a beer in one hand and flipping him off with the other, a wink and smirk on his face.

   “Damn, I  _ do _ look hot in that.”

   “I’m surprised my phone hasn’t burned up by now, bro.”

   “Stop it, you,” Bokuto flushes.

   Kuroo gets right up in his face. “You could make me.”

   Oikawa, who had just entered the gym, walks right back out again. Iwaizumi sighs. “I better go make sure he doesn’t get hit by a car or something because he’s having an emotional meltdown, so see y’all later. Oh, and first-years? I am so sorry that the game turned into this. Though, to be honest, this is what happens most of the time.” He gets up and jogs out of the gym. Tendou waves goodbye at them cheerfully.

   “Have fun, and don’t forget to use protection!” he hollers.

   Keiji lets out his usual long-suffering sigh. “If this is what being in a relationship is like, I’m almost glad I’m not in one.” He doesn’t mean it, of course. He wishes that he was in a relationship. With one Bokuto Koutarou. Who may or may not be dating one Kuroo Tetsurou.

_    Stop it, Keiji. Don’t go there. _

   He knows he shouldn’t prod wounds, that poking only opens them further, that picking at scabs only leaves scars. Still, he asks.

   “Bokuto-san, Kuroo-san. Is there something between you two that the rest of us should know about?”

   The two exchange a look.

   “Uh. We aren’t dating, if that’s what you think?”

   Keiji immediately feels relieved, his growing unease stopping.

   “The relationship is strictly brotp, y’all.” Kuroo announces.

   “Well, we do make out a lot.” Bokuto interjects.

_    Wait. What?  _ Unease, back on, full force.

   “Oh. True.”

   “And we do sleep together. In both senses.”

_    What?  _ It's not unease, Keiji realizes It's anger.  _Oh my God. I didn't want―_

   Tendou slaps them on the back. “I knew there was something going on between you two! I can’t believe you fuckers!”

   Blinking. Blinking. Keiji blinks back his surprise, bites back his pain.  _ Don’t poke it, Keiji. _

   He must be some kind of masochist, some kind of broken, because he does anyway. “So you’re just fuck buddies.” That sounds cold.

   He feels cold.

   That's not a good sign.

   Bokuto winces. “That’s harsh, ‘Kashi.”

   Keiji finds he doesn’t care that he hurt him.

   He feels hurt.

   Kuroo shrugs. “You could put it like that. We don’t feel anything other than platonic with each other. But I like his body, and he likes mine. So it’d be a shame not to. Using our resources, really.”

   Keiji forgot how much of a cold, analytical thinker Kuroo can be.  _ Can he pick up on my jealousy?  _ He narrows his eyes.

   The other boy grins. “What is it, Akaashi? Do you disapprove of how I spend my nights with your old friend? Because it was his idea. Not that I complained much. The guy is hot. And good, too.”

   Bokuto laughs and elbows him. “He might just be weirded out. And bro, give yourself some credit too. I mean―”

   “Bokuto-san.” Akaashi interrupts.

   Tendou laughs. “Jesus Christ. We’re all friends here. Besides, it’s not like that isn’t normal. I mean, I regularly had sex with Semi in high school before I started dating Wakatoshi.”

   Kuroo snorts. “You still do, except now you let your boyfriends watch.”

   The other blocker shrugs lazily. “What can I say? We all get off on it.”

   “I’m kinkshaming,” Bokuto coughs.

 

* * *

 

 

   Kenma needs to get out.

   He’s never been good at confrontations. And that’s what he’s standing in the middle of, right now. A confrontation.

   Akaashi is angry, he can tell. The other boy rarely lets his emotions show, but right now, they’re on the verge of slipping. Kenma can’t blame him, honestly.

_    Kuro, pick me instead. You said you don’t feel anything other than friendship, right? He doesn’t either. I could give you what he gives you. I could try. I’d be willing. _

_    I love you. _

_    Do you love me too? _

   Kenma needs to get out.

   This isn’t the right time or place for this kind of thinking. He needs to get Akaashi somewhere to cool down.

   He sends him a look, hoping he gets the message.

   No luck. His friend is still glaring fiercely at the older boys. Slitted eyes, tiny sneer, curled fingers. Kuroo, Bokuto and Tendou are arguing― about shoe brands?― their earlier discussion forgotten.

   Akaashi Keiji is terrifying. Even calm, he’s intimidating. Looking at him, it’s something like staring at mountains, or a storming ocean, or the way a predator takes its prey― beautiful, but harsh. A mountain doesn’t care about the villages it crushes when there’s an avalanche on its slopes. The sea ignores the pleas of help from drowning sailors, of the prayers of the newly widowed, for it all to be a lie, a trick, anything but the truth. Nature works so coldly. Life must be extinguished for there to be more life.

   Kenma needs to get out.

   Most people’s anger is like fire, or lightning. Fierce, hot, bright. It burns, but it burns out itself out. He shivers.

   Not Akaashi.

   His anger is like ice. It’s cold. Too cold. In those moments, it’s like he becomes that mountain, or that sea, or the hunting owl he and Bokuto so adore.

   It’s unearthly.

   Akaashi Keiji is some kind of god when he’s angry. And no one can predict what an angry god might do.

   Kenma needs to get out.

   He feels his friend’s aura. He is freezing. But he can’t abandon him now, not if he’s the only who can thaw Akaashi out. He walks up to his friend and taps him on the shoulder, looking him straight in the eyes.

   He doesn’t need to say anything. Akaashi growls. He sends one last chilling glance towards the second-years. “Don’t think this is over, Kozume-san. I’m going to talk to them again.”

   Kenma just nods. His friend is brave to be able to face things head on. But Kenma knows that it’s so much safer to take the slow route, that hurtling along cliff road at 150 kph will just send you plunging into the ocean.

   While Akaashi may be ice, that doesn’t mean he won’t get burned.

   They catch the bus back to the dorm, and Kenma doesn’t miss the pain in his eyes, or the tears that fall, so much like dripping meltwater at the end of winter, leaving two wet tracks down his fair face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry @kenma, akaashi and of course, y'all
> 
> i really didn't know what to do in this chapter, i'm sorry, so it's kind of just drabble, there isn't really that much plot
> 
> kenma was supposed to be savage but it didn't really turn out that way. however, i can promise that he'll give someone a black eye later on
> 
> why does my writing always turn out to be 90% dialogue i swear i don't do it on purpose


	4. Please Refrain From Using Gross Domestic Petnames On This Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi and Kenma get added to the setter group chat. It's about as successful as you would think.  
> Kenma is a completely different person online. Oikawa canot spel in any wya. Shirabu and Semi are annoying little gits. Kageyama is the child. Yahaba is the nicest- until he isn't. Suga is still the mom. Miya is an asshole, but a good one. (Maybe.) And Akaashi is suffering.  
> (But it's all his fault anyway.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> screw it i can't update on a regular basis at all can i
> 
> ugh the best y'all can hope for at this point is once a month maybe
> 
> i was gone bc of awful wifi (about a week) and writer's block (eternal, i'm sorry)
> 
>  
> 
> for the story:  
> O Gayest Gay- Oikawa  
> milk box boi- Kageyama  
> bork dork- Yahaba  
> crow mama- Sugawara  
> pinch of salt- Shirabu  
> jar of salt- Semi  
> who is he- Miya
> 
> some name changes in the story but i won't put them here bc i'm assuming that a) you aren't stupid enough that you can't read them, b) you have a half-decent short-term memory, and c) you know the characters well enough to figure it out if you somehow miss a and b
> 
> of course, feel free to correct me should any of these assumptions be false
> 
> (i'm a bit of an asshole, i know, but i love it)

 

Group Chat:  this is anarchy 

[9:45 pm]

_O Gayest Gay: ew this chat is so boring i want attention i wanna do fun thingsssssssss_

 

_milk box boi: oikawa-san if you want to do fun things go to iwaizumi-senpai i’m sure he wouldn’t say no_

_milk box boi: oh wait he’s out with his friends isn’t he_

_milk box boi: why aren’t you?_

_milk box boi: right you don’t have any do you_

 

_O Gayest Gay: stfu tobio u dont get to talk to me about my reltaionship_

_O Gayest Gay: come back when youve gotten laid_

 

_bork dork: ouch oikawa_

 

_O Gayest Gay: bitch_

 

_milk box boi: i’m dating hinata btw_

_milk box boi: we’ve been together for a year now and by together i mean_

_milk box boi: Together_

 

_O Gayest Gay: wait waht_

 

_crow mama: lmao oikawa u didn’t know??_

_crow mama: theyre practically exhibitionists if tanaka and nishinoya tell it properly_

 

_O Gayest Gay: you and chibi-chan????_

 

_milk box boi: like oikawa doesn’t wish iwaizumi-senpai had an exhibitionism kink_

 

_O Gayest Gay: stop raosting me im lonely_

 

_pinch of salt: not my problem_

 

_jar of salt: ^_

 

_pinch of salt: no carrots please_

 

_bork dork: guys lay off him he just wants to talk to us?? oikawa don’t worry were your friends_

 

_O Gayest Gay: thank u yahachan_

_O Gayest Gay: @the rest_

_O Gayest Gay: fuck you_

 

_pinch of salt: no thanks i have semi to do that_

 

_jar of salt: ^_

 

_pinch of salt: eita, sweetie_

_pinch of salt: please actually speak with words_

 

_jar of salt: no darling im too lazy_

 

_bork dork: am i the only single one here_

_bork dork: i cri everyday_

 

_milk box boi: well i mean you probably only are being nice to oikawa-san because his boyfriend has your dear mad dog’s phone number_

 

_pinch of salt: ain’t it true_

 

_jar of salt: ^_

 

_pinch of salt: stop doing that. stop. just stop doing that._

 

_bork dork: goddammit_

 

_O Gayest Gay: wiat yahaba u tellign me u didnt ask for it at graduation???? shame on u i thought my kouhai were gutsier than that!!! tsk tsk_

 

_jar of salt: ^_

 

_pinch of salt: daRLING PLS STOP DAMMIT_

_pinch of salt: i INVITED SATORI AND WAKATOSHI OVER FOR A MOVIE NIGHT SLEEPOVER SLEEPAROUND EXTRAVAGANZA_

_pinch of salt: I EVEN BOUGHT YOU TUNA SUSHI ROLLS_

_pinch of salt: DO I NEED TO CANCEL IT_

 

_jar of salt: honey no i didn’t mean it pls don’t cancel the movie night sleepover sleeparound extravaganza_

 

_bork dork: *softly, with a lot of feeling*_

_bork dork: what the fuck_

 

_crow mama: … “sleeparound extravaganza”_

 

_milk box boi: i’m kinkshaming_

 

_pinch of salt: kageyama you filthy hypocrite_

 

_O Gayest Gay: i thikn i need new friends_

_O Gayest Gay: wait im the queen of the pretty setter chat right_

_O Gayest Gay: wel i met some new setters_

_O Gayest Gay: theyre v exotic i think theyre form tokyo_

 

_crow mama: *gasp*_

_crow mama: from… tokyo!!!_

 

_O Gayest Gay: oi shut it mr refreshing_

 

_milk box boi: oikawa continue_

 

_O Gayest Gay: thank u tobio_

_O Gayest Gay: they are veeeery pretty_

_O Gayest Gay: like so pretty_

_O Gayest Gay: one of them is alomst as beautifl as myself_

 

_pinch of salt: *ignores the not-so-subtle ego inflation*_

 

_jar of salt: *ignores the constant typos*_

 

_O Gayest Gay: stfu shittytorizawa boys_

_O Gayest Gay: that rlly wasnt a typo_

 

_milk box boi: oh are you talking about kenma and akaashi??_

 

_O Gayest Gay: wait u know them_

 

_milk box boi: well i mean i went to a training camp with them_

_milk box boi: and it’s impossible to forget them_

_milk box boi: especially akaashi???_

_milk box boi: holy fucking shit he is gorgeous_

_milk box boi: like_

_milk box boi: it’s inhuman_

_milk box boi: he must be part fairy or something that kind of beauty is really not natural_

 

_crow mama: but like_

_crow mama: it just is??? it’s perfect and normal and stuff???? because it’s just the way akaashi is??_

 

_pinch of salt: i met him once at nationals_

_pinch of salt: god dammit i almost wanted to lose to him_

_pinch of salt: …_

_pinch of salt: a l m o s t_

 

_jar of salt: um this was before we got together of course??_

_jar of salt: right, sugar???_

 

_pinch of salt: er yes absolutely honey_

 

_bork dork: please refrain from using gross domestic petnames on this chat_

 

_pinch of salt: hmmm yeah if it annoys you i just want to do it more_

 

_jar of salt: ^_

 

_pinch of salt: i’m going to leave you for akaashi, eita, if you keep doing that_

 

_milk box boi: akaashi once poured me a glass of water to save me from choking_

_milk box boi: it was so heroic_

_milk box boi: i swooned and everything_

_milk box boi: i really wouldn’t mind being the damsel in distress if akaashi was the knight in shining armor_

 

_crow mama: im really not gonna mention this to hinata_

 

_milk box boi: yeah please don’t_

 

_crow mama: but i agree_

 

_O Gayest Gay: yeah thats great and all_

_O Gayest Gay: main point (befroe i was so ruedly interrupetd): i have deemed nekochan #2 and owlchan #2 pretty enough_

_O Gayest Gay: for them to be_

_O Gayest Gay: added_

_O Gayest Gay: to this chat!!!_

_O Gayest Gay: all in faovr say aye_

 

_bork dork: um aye i guess_

 

_milk box boi: aYE_

 

_crow mama: AYE_

 

_pinch of salt: AYYYYEE_

 

_jar of salt: ^_

_jar of salt: jUST KIDDING BABE DON’T LEAVE MEEEEE_

_jar of salt: (AYE)_

 

_pinch of salt: last warning eita_

 

_who is he: aye_

 

_milk box boi: wtf you show up now_

_milk box boi: miya stop lurking around the groupchat it’s fucking creepy_

 

_who is he: *blows kiss*_

 

_O Gayest Gay: …_

 

 _[_ _O Gayest Gay_ _has added_ _Akaashi Keiji_ _and_ _kenma kozume_ _to_ _ this is anarchy] _

 

_O Gayest Gay: wait oops the name_

 

 _[_ _O Gayest Gay_ _has changed the group name to_ _welcome to the pretty setters_ _]_

 

_milk box boi: oikawa-san they need lame names too_

 

 _[ O Gayest Gay has changed  _ _Akaashi Keiji_ _'s_ _name to_ _hedwig_ _]_

 

 _[ O Gayest Gay has changed  _ _kenma kozume_ _'s_ _name to_ _princess peach_ _]_

 

_milk box boi: ok that’s better_

 

_hedwig: *Sigh.* I really didn’t ask for this._

 

* * *

 

 

Group Chat:  welcome to the pretty setters 

[6:22 am]

 

_princess peach: new chat who dis_

 

_O Gayest Gay: hi it’s oikawa!!!!!!_

 

_princess peach: oh god_

_princess peach: what did those twin idiots do this time_

 

_O Gayest Gay: uh nohting so far?? i just wanted to add u to the group_

_O Gayest: right everbody introduce urselvds we must b welcoming_

 

_crow mama: hello, i’m sugawara koushi, everyone calls me suga_

_crow mama: you might remember me as karasuno’s reserve setter when you were a second-year?_

_crow mama: anyways i go to the other uni so you might meet me sometime_

 

_princess peach: right_

_princess peach: you were the nice setter_

 

 _crow mama:_ ( 人 _◠‿◠✿_ )

 

_milk box boi: great so i’m remembered as the unfriendly one_

_milk box boi: kageyama tobio here_

 

_princess peach: actually i remember you as the genius one_

_princess peach: but i can call you the unfriendly one if you want_

 

_milk box boi: um_

 

_princess peach: jk i refer to you as shouyou’s bf in my head_

 

_milk box boi: wh_

_milk box boi: why do you know that_

_milk box boi: the announcement was made like two months ago and we haven’t seen you for like a year_

 

_princess peach: we’re good friends after all_

_princess peach: we tell each other everything_

_princess peach: e v e r y t h i n g_

_princess peach: none of your secrets are safe_

 

_O Gayest Gay: omfg kenma ur so different online_

 

_princess peach: i had three cappucinos in the past hour so i might be a lil off_

_princess peach: but yes i have been told this before_

_princess peach: and it is true_

 

_bork dork: … aT ANY RATE_

_bork dork: i’m yahaba shigeru and i was seijoh’s captain last year_

_bork dork: it’s nice to meet you, kenma-san, akaashi-san_

 

_O Gayest Gay: where is akachan anyway_

 

_princess peach: sulking probably_

 

_O Gayest Gay: oh_

 

_princess peach: he is Arting™_

_princess peach: helps with his inner bitterness and demons, yada yada yada_

 

_O Gayest Gay: what do u mean_

_O Gayest Gay: hes pretty chill so_

_O Gayest Gay: not t be rude but i didnt know he felt the majortiy of hunan emotions_

 

_princess peach: deep in the titanium storage tank that is his heart, yeah_

 

_milk box boi: how much exactly did hinata confide in you_

 

_who is he: *how much blackmail material do you have_

 

_milk box boi: mIYA_

_milk box boi: join the conversation when you arrive jfc don’t lurk_

 

_who is he: no_

_who is he: miya atsumu, resident asshole, at your service_

 

_crow mama: i disagree_

_crow mama: shirabu is our resident asshole_

 

_jar of salt: whos trash-talking my bf_

_jar of salt: oh_

_jar of salt: ok tru i agree_

 

_pinch of salt: you wound me, honey_

_pinch of salt: i thought you of all people would see the good in me_

 

_jar of salt: babe_

_jar of salt: healthy relationships are built on honesty_

_jar of salt: cant lie sorry_

 

_princess peach: … great_

_princess peach: i’m guessing you two are semi and shirabu from shiratorizawa_

_princess peach: tendou talks about you a lot_

 

_O Gayest Gay: not more than ushiwaka unfortunately_

_O Gayest Gay: there shuold be a rule limting how much peopel can yalk about their boyfrinds_

 

_princess peach: oikawa you are a filthy hypocrite_

 

_O Gayest Gay: kenma~~chan_

_O Gayest Gay: but iwachan is too perfect not to talk abuot_

_O Gayest Gay: just like me_

 

_princess peach: yeah i think i prefer ushijima to you and i’ve never even met him_

 

_milk box boi: i suddenly have a lot of respect for you_

 

_bork dork: out of curiosity_

_bork dork: do you and akaashi-san have access to the chat history_

 

_princess peach: uh lemme check_

_princess peach: no_

_princess peach: … why_

 

_bork dork: no reason_

 

_O Gayest Gay: no reason_

 

_milk box boi: no reason_

 

_crow mama: no reason_

 

_pinch of salt: no reason_

 

_jar of salt: no reason_

 

_milk box boi: how did we all send the same text simultaneously_

 

_princess peach: i_

_princess peach: i,,, will not_

_princess peach: i will not ask_

 

_who is he: where tf is akaashi_

 

_princess peach: i can teach you the ways of summoning him but first i need to get to class_

_princess peach: kenma out_

 

* * *

 

Group Chat:  welcome to the pretty setters 

[3:49 pm]

 

_princess peach: (hey everybody watch this)_

_princess peach: bOKUTO-SAN YOU FUCKING IDIOT_

 

_hedwig: What has he done now and how can I fix it?_

 

_milk box boi: hey i’m impressed_

 

_princess peach: nothing that i know of_

_princess peach: we just needed you to come online_

 

_hedwig: Oh._

 

_who is he: is this the one that’s prettier than oikawa_

 

_milk box boi: yes_

 

_crow mama: yep_

 

_pinch of salt: mmhmm_

 

_jar of salt: definitely_

 

_bork dork: i think so?? i mean i’ve never really met you but if everyone else thinks so_

 

_O Gayest Gay: u tratorous bastards_

 

_hedwig: I’m flattered._

_hedwig: Don’t worry, Oikawa-san, I think you’re very pretty too._

 

_who is he: why were you sulking earlier_

 

_hedwig: … I was painting._

 

_who is he: sure_

_who is he: painting what_

 

_hedwig: An owl. Which is what I normally do, by the way. Kenma, what exactly did you say?_

 

_princess peach: shut up you were totally sulking_

_princess peach: jfc its been a week since the practice match_

_princess peach: at first i totally understood, you know, was totally on your side, a Totally Supportive Friend™_

_princess peach: but dammit it’s been like 8 days and i am fucking tired of it_

 

_O Gayest Gay: wow kenma versin 2 is rlly hardcore and Done_

_O Gayest Gay: and oho what happenrd at the practicr match after i letf???_

_O Gayest Gay: n thabk you for telling me im beautiful it means alot to me_

 

_hedwig: Nothing happened, Oikawa-san._

 

_princess peach: do you think oikawa’s more beautiful than_

 

_hedwig: Don’t you say it._

_hedwig: Don’t._

 

_jar of salt: pls do_

 

_O Gayest Gay: kenma spill_

 

_milk box boi: uh_

 

_bork dork: guys leave him alone, this chat is anti-crush reveal right_

 

_princess peach: BOKUTO-SAN_

_princess peach: oh whoops_

 

_hedwig: FUCK YOU, KENMA._

 

_O Gayest Gay: so wait_

_O Gayest Gay: u like bokuto??_

 

 _[_ _hedwig_ _has left_ _welcome to the pretty setters_ _]_

 

_who is he: i’m with goody two shoes_

_who is he: you are terrifying and i respect you_

 

_milk box boi: don’t call me that jfc_

 

_princess peach: good_

 

_bork dork: kenma, i think that wasn’t very nice of you_

 

_princess peach: pssssh i’ve been friends with him since like middle school_

_princess peach: he won’t stop sulking and pining unless people talk some sense into him_

_princess peach: i’m way too lazy to handle the pity party by myself rn so i thought i’d get some help_

 

_milk box boi: akaashi’s ability to feel actual emotions went from 1 to 1848629 real fast_

 

_bork dork: still…_

 

_princess peach: believe me he’ll be better off after this_

_princess peach: we should help him out_

 

_bork dork: i suppose_

 

_O Gayest Gay: crush drama, grop advixe,,_

_O Gayest Gay: its like our very own irl chick flick_

_O Gayest Gay: omg im so happy_

_O Gayest Gay: ive alwaya wanted to be the wignman!!! also ive really wanted to be regina george for a lonf time but thats unrletated_

 

_crow mama: …_

 

_princess peach: pLUS_

_princess peach: you’re actually in a functional relationship and akaashi respects you, so your advice will be really helpful_

 

_crow mama: i think kenma is right, even if that was a little blunt_

_crow mama: i’m in_

 

_milk box boi: me too_

 

_pinch of salt: and me_

 

_jar of salt: ill help too_

 

_who is he: this is extremely likely to crash and burn_

_who is he:_ (و _๑ >◡<๑ _)و

_who is he: count me in_

 

_crow mama: nvm u are the resident asshole_

 

_who is he: *tips hat*_

 

_bork dork: fine, but kenma: pm who you like as insurance_

 

_princess peach: nah_

 

_bork dork: what?_

 

_princess peach: i’ll just tell you here_

_princess peach: i could use some advice from y’all who have boyfriends_

_princess peach: yes i am assuming you’re all gay_

 

_milk box boi: ok yeah we are_

 

_princess peach: just so you know, i like_

_princess peach: wait_

_princess peach: let akaashi tell you_

_princess peach: it might give him a little bit of satisfaction_

 

_who is he: oho you’re right_

 

_princess peach: on a scale of 1-10 how screamy should i be_

 

_milk box boi: <5 i can’t handle more capslock pls _

 

_bork dork: fine._

 

_who is he: yeah joke’s on him_

 

_princess peach: maybe give him like an hour or two before you add him back in though_

 

 _[_ _who is he_ _has added_ _Akaashi Keiji_ _to_ _ welcome to the pretty setters] _

 

_who is he: whoops_

 

_princess peach: urgh_

 

_Akaashi Keiji: Kenma, I really fucking hate you right now._

 

_princess peach: yep_

 

_crow mama: miya!!_

 

_who is he: ehehe oops_

 

 _[_ _crow mama_ _has changed_ _who is he_ _’s name to_ _resident asshole_ _]_

 

* * *

 

Group Chat:  welcome to the pretty setters 

[5:12 pm]

 

_resident asshole: so akaashi i heard you need crush advice_

 

_Akaashi Keiji: I-_

_Akaashi Keiji: I d o n o t n e e d c r u s h a d v i c e_

_Akaashi Keiji: i don’t need it don’t need it doNT NEED IAHQISYAJS_

_Akaashi Keiji: wwoeeywb skfhand jajdbsjwis towkncbaiwwiek_

 

_milk box boi: congrats everyone we broke him_

 

_princess peach: nah that was just him stabbing his phone_

_princess peach: i can hear you from outside the door btw_

 

_crow mama: kenma,,,_

_crow mama: are you sure that you know what you’re doing_

 

_princess peach: yeah_

_princess peach: i mean he locked me out of the dorm but_

_princess peach: i have Experience_

 

_bork dork: he locked you out. and you say you know what you’re doing._

 

_princess peach: oh great now he’s screaming into a pillow_

_princess peach: don’t worry yahaba i can pick locks_

 

_milk box boi: remind me never to piss kenma off ever_

 

_O Gayest Gay: awwww this is suhc a gret friendship buildign situaton i so happy!!!_

 

_princess peach: akaashi’s still screaming whoops_

 

 _[_ _resident asshole_ _has changed_ _princess peach_ _’s name to_ _demon lord of terror_ _]_

 

_demon lord of terror: awww thanks_

 

_Akaashi Keiji: Kenma_

_Akaashi Keiji: I don’t even care anymore, I will kill you._

 

_demon lord of terror: i’m terribly frightened_

_demon lord of terror: whatever shall i do_

_demon lord of terror: keiji you’re literally banging your head against a wall rn excuse me if you don’t take you seriously_

 

_Akaashi Keiji: Take me seriously._

_Akaashi Keiji: Or I might tell the chat that you like Kuroo-san._

 

_demon lord of terror: akAASHI YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE_

 

_Akaashi Keiji: Doesn’t feel too great, does it?_

 

_demon lord of terror: N O_

 

 _[_ _milk box boi_ _has changed_ _Akaashi Keiji_ _’s name to_ _emotional wreck_ _]_

 

_emotional wreck: Oh, fuck you too._

 

_demon lord of terror: ahahaha_

_demon lord of terror: ok my ‘emotional freakout’ is over_

_demon lord of terror: see its easy_

 

_bork dork: … great_

_bork dork: now that we’ve got the crushes sorted out can we start the advice group?_

 

_O Gayest Gay: amenn_

 

_crow mama: wow this really is a teen girl drama isn’t it_

 

_milk box boi: has anyone here ever actually been to an advice group_

 

_jar of salt: probs not but enh_

 

 _[_ _resident asshole_ _has changed the group name to_ _chick flick heart-to-heart_ _]_

 

_bork dork: i’ll start, then_

_bork dork: ok everyone, i’m yahaba and i like kyoutani. he goes to the uni across the city from me, but i’m not brave enough to visit. i don’t even have his current phone number, and i’m too nervous to email. oikawa and iwaizumi, and mattsun and makki too hang out with him a lot, so i might go next time. i just hope i don’t say or do anything too stupid if i do._

 

_resident asshole: hoo boy that’s long_

 

_O Gayest Gay: i... wasnt gonna tell u... but u two r just too cute_

_O Gayest Gay: kyouken-chan has been botherign me nonstop abot his crsh on u_

_O Gayest Gay: he fuckin bougt u flowers for me to give u but chickend out an chucked them in the rivr_

_O Gayest Gay: ask him out jfc he isnt romanyic enough to do it himslef_

 

_bork dork: …_

_bork dork: so_

_bork dork: you knew this since when?_

 

_O Gayest Gay: well i suspecetd since ur second yer_

_O Gayest Gay: but he only told iwa-chan likr a few monthss ago_

 

_bork dork: a few months._

 

_resident asshole: oh oikawa you’re in trouble now_

 

_O Gayest Gay: oh come on its al fine now isnt it_

 

_bork dork: i’m texting iwaizumi to let him know to let me in right now_

 

_milk box boi: oh shit_

 

_jar of salt: *grabs popcorn*_

 

_bork dork: i’m on the bus rn_

 

_pinch of salt: *grabs popcorn*_

 

_bork dork: i’m wrapping my knuckles_

 

_O Gayest Gay: hey everyone this is iwaizumi, just here to tell you that oikawa might not be able to text for a few hours. adios and enjoy your freedom, while it lasts_

 

_demon lord of terror: well this idea was great_

 

_resident asshole: yep and it lasted a grand total of *checks watch dramatically*_

_resident asshole: oh about four minutes_

 

_crow mama: i almost feel bad for oikawa_

 

_milk box boi: although yahaba might seem mild-mannered and friendly here_

_milk box boi: friendly reminder that he is able to beat kyoutani up_

_milk box boi: and kyoutani once broke someone’s arm_

_milk box boi: without even trying_

 

_resident asshole: oh, kageyama, you’re such a gossip_

 

_demon lord of terror: i have newfound respect for yahaba_

 

_jar of salt: ok so if scary cat child, who has asshat and grumpyama’s respect, is afraid of creampuff there_

 

_pinch of salt: ...how much danger are we in for having constantly bitched on him since the dawn of the pretty setter squad_

 

_bork dork: i’ll get to you after_

 

_pinch of salt: oh shit_

 

_jar of salt: ah fuck_

 

_emotional wreck: So, does anyone actually have any advice for me, or is there no real point to Kenma having spilled everything?_

 

_demon lord of terror: it’s not healthy to keep your feeling bottled up like that, akaashi_

_demon lord of terror: i was being a good friend who has your best interests at heart_

 

_emotional wreck: And a black eye to accompany it pretty soon._

 

_demon lord of terror: mmhmm_

 

_resident asshole: fight fight fight fight_

 

_O Gayest Gay: im bakc yahachan didnt beat me up_

 

_bork dork: *i broke all his alien action figures and ripped up his posters instead_

 

_O Gayest Gay: yahachan i told u i was sorrry_

 

_bork dork: well i have a date now so im not as mad at you anymore_

 

_O Gayest Gay: at any rate kenma u dont normlaly show feelingd eihter so_

 

_demon lord of terror: i do i’m just naturally quiet irl_

_demon lord of terror: but i actually don’t mind so much online_

 

_O Gayest Gay: ah i see_

 

_demon lord of terror: akaashi however cannot emotion properly in any situation_

 

_emotional wreck: Oh, shut up, Kenma. He’s in some kind of relationship with your crush anyway, so why aren’t you more upset?_

 

_demon lord of terror: ^exhibit a_

_demon lord of terror: bc i know kuro and i know bokuto, and i know that whatever the fuck they’re doing_

_demon lord of terror: it’s only a physical thing_

_demon lord of terror: i think_

_demon lord of terror: probably_

 

_emotional wreck: That makes me feel so much better. Great. Wonderful. Fucking fantastic._

 

_O Gayest Gay: akachan are you drunk_

 

_emotional wreck: NO._

 

_demon lord of terror: oh just let me in already i’m not in the mood for fucking up the doorknob_

 

_resident asshole: i like you_

 

_demon lord of terror: ‘aight_

_demon lord of terror: hey why don’t you be my new best friend it’s not like this one is any fun rn_

 

_emotional wreck: Oh, fuck you._

 

_demon lord of terror: you’ve said that like five times already_

_demon lord of terror: and no thanks, i’m not a huge fan of angry sex_

 

_resident asshole: omg_

_resident asshole: it’s a deal_

 

_emotional wreck: Fine. I’ll open the door._

_emotional wreck: The rest of you: don’t you fucking dare tell anyone about this, or I will find out and I will not be happy._

 

_O Gayest Gay: aye aye cap’n_

 

_pinch of salt: did you just_

 

_jar of salt: spongebob is so over_

 

_demon lord of terror: same thing for me_

_demon lord of terror: kuroo’s hair might be stupid but he actually has a brain underneath and i don’t want him knowing this_

 

_crow mama: i won’t_

 

_milk box boi: i’m afraid of what kenma might do as retribution so yeah i won’t_

 

_resident asshole: i might be an awful person but i wouldn’t do something like that_

 

_bork dork: well guys i have a boyfriend now so you never know, things might work out in the end_

 

_emotional wreck: I really do hope so._

 

* * *

 

Group Chat: chick flick heart-to-heart

[2:32 am]

 

_resident asshole: and remember kids, this chat is here to help_

_resident asshole: we're―_

 

_demon lord of terror:<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ>_

 

_resident asshole: ..._

_resident asshole: forget about kuroo i want you to marry me instead_

 

_demon lord of terror: awww, miya *blushes*_

_demon lord of terror: while i appreciate the offer, i'm only 19, and you should really take people out on dates before asking this kinda thing, you know?_

_resident asshole: nah i'm way too lazy_

_resident asshole: well goodnight my demonic cat friend_

 

_demon lord of terror: you too, asshat_

 

_bork dork: what an unholy and terrifying couple they would be_

_bork dork: the asshole and the demon_

 

_milk box boi: mmhmm, satan incarnate_

 

_O Gayest Gay: stfu guyys i ned my beuaty sleep!!!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time: party planning i think? maybe meet some setters irl? and ushijima, i can promise there will be ushiten and it will be disgusting but that's ok you all love it probably
> 
> i should stop hanging out with @saltmaster3 bc this story is probably not going to have a happy ending anymore oops spoilers maybe
> 
> not saying that i'm a good influence on her either i mean


	5. -intermission- ft an important note pls read

i don't know how to finish thisssss

somewhere through time i fell out of like with bokuaka and kuroken and tripped into bokuroo hell instead so i actually have no satisfying way to finish this

also i'm moving halfway across the globe this summer and there are a lot of things going on in my life so i haven't had much time for my writing

i guess i'm just putting this out there as a notice to y'all that i'm going on hiatus for at least a couple months? all i want to say is, ily and that, and i love these characters and all the inspiration on this website, but i can't write this anymore, at least right now. who knows whether i'll ever finish this or not? anyway thanks for all your support and maybe check out the only fic i've finished and that i ever really liked, Sun And Rain And In-Between for some poetic tearjearker bokuroo and

well

goodnight

 

(, •̥ ﹏ •̥ ),

**Author's Note:**

> i was trying out a new writing style for fun and i think i like it actually
> 
> i shall *try* to update at least once every week but it might be pushed up to two if i have too much homework
> 
> constructive criticism welcome bc i, as a teenager still in school, know next to nothing about university, or japan outside of anime, so if i make any mistakes on that i'll try to fix em. oh yeah, and i'm sometimes inconsistent, so point those out too
> 
> thenku


End file.
